Control in a Relationship

Can there ever really be happiness in a relationship when one party dominates and dictates most of the family’s affairs. Personally I don’t believe that both parties will truly happy.

The aggressor will make it seem like they have the family’s best interest at hand. Then the pacifist will play the victim roll most of the relationship. If the man is the dominate force he will make the women fill as if she is incapable of taking care of any type of business dealings.

He really has low self esteem and probably was pushed around in school by a bully. The problem could also be that he is not as smart as his other siblings and makes up for it with a controlling attitude. He micro manages everything because he does not truly have control anywhere but home. He probably did not get enough hugs from mommy so he wants to make sure that no women will ever dominate him again.

On the other hand if the women is the dominate force in the relationship she will talk down to the man when ever she speaks to him. When ever he has an opinion she says things like that is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. Even when he has a brilliant idea she belittles his ideas because she did not come up with it first. If he tells her about something he heard on the news she says things like “you can’t believe everything that you hear” or “when are you going to start thinking for yourself”.

Her problem is that she was one of the last girls who were invited to the Prom or someone stood her up for the Prom. It also could be that daddy did not show her enough love so she really hates men. She blames all her short comings on the man that she is with or the men that she has been with.

If he is going to be cured of his low self esteem and controlling attitude the first thing he needs do is to get over the past. It is water under the bridge so just turn the page for the love of God. Move on and just face your demons, stick a fork in the situation. That was yesterday today is a new day.

If the passive woman thinks that he will just change on is on, you are dreaming honey wake up and smell the coffee. There is always that possibility that he will change on his on, but the possibility is slim to none. You will need to stand up to the bully that has controlled you for years. Just say to the bully hell no I’m not going to take it any more. Say to him we are partners in this relationship and this is democracy not a dictatorship.

I refuse to give you your way anymore so we are going to discuss all of our decision making in the future. Now both parties have some weak and some strong points. This is why both parties’ strengths should be used through out the duration of the relationship. Men if the women tries to belittle you or talk down to you, say to her that you are never going to get your way just as long as you act like a spoil 7th grader. If she tries to withhold sex from you just pretend to be an oak, and act as if you are not moved.

Say to her I am like a tree plated by the water and I should not be moved. Tell her when she starts to act like she is an adult we can restart the relationship with some grown up rules. But until then you do you and I’m going to do me.